Are You Worried About Adjusting to a New Routine in Retirement? Here are 5 Ways to Help Avoid Loneliness and Social Isolation
By Michael Hollis
This might be a tough conversation to have. It might open up some pain. I hope this ministers to your spirit and that you know that we at The Dala Group care about more than just your financial well-being; we care about your total well-being. Part of me says I’m not qualified to write on this topic, but I’ve witnessed how my parents and close friends have lived their later years close up, and I’ve deeply contemplated what I want my later years to look like. I have a natural abrasion to my perception that our culture has passively accepted the idea of retirement with no objective, sense of calling, or sense of mission. I believe that at all times and in all circumstances, we are created to serve a purpose and contribute somewhere to something.
Risks of Social Isolation
Leaving the workforce and physical health challenges are two of the most significant adjustments that retirees face. They toss comfortable routines up in the air, and many find unexpected loneliness as a result. Statistics show that social isolation and loneliness can have tremendous risks to your physical and emotional well-being. Health professionals liken the physical risks to smoking 15 cigarettes daily! That’s shocking. It increases one’s risk of dementia and stroke and causes weakened immunity. Mentally, this loneliness can result in depression, anxiety, and low feelings of self-worth. These are all red-flashing warning signs that we need to heed. But it’s not as easy as some of us think it should be to break free, even when we see how detrimental it is to our interests.
Body, Brain, & Hi-tech Barriers
As we get older, we can encounter natural challenges that we didn’t have before that contribute to isolation. Some can be naturally embarrassing and cause us to want to stick close to home. Other natural challenges are more practical, like walking and driving. The less mobile you feel, the easier it will be to stick close to home, increasing isolation.
Mental hurdles can keep us isolated, too. Maybe you lack motivation and have trouble finding something that catches your interest. Maybe you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one. Our perceptions of ourselves and others can challenge our desire to be around people. Do you tell yourself the story that you’re a burden or too old? Have you been the butt of jokes in social settings in the past? All of those things can keep us from wanting to be around others.
Technology can also be a roadblock to connections. Smartphones, social media, and texting have increased the pace of life, and connecting isn’t what it used to be. This can make us feel like outsiders if we don’t know how these technologies work, and everyone else embraces these as their primary form of communication. Personally, I think texting and social media have taken over for real conversation and relationships, and I’ve had to work through this challenge too.
Getting to the Other Side
So that all sounds heavy, and maybe you’re like, ehhh…. But I’ve said all that so we can stare reality right in the face and overcome the isolation that is holding us back. If you want to overcome loneliness, in both yourself and others, you will have to do a complete 180 and come in the opposite spirit by connecting, getting past the mental & physical hurdles, and finding vision.
We Need Each Other
Proactively invite others into your situation, pick up the phone, go out to breakfast or lunch with someone regularly, call a helpline, ask for help. It starts with you. Be an active participant in turning the corner. Study after study says that if you do that, you’ll be better able to be an overcomer.
Find a roommate. (not a crazy family member 😊) We in the US tend to be mavericks and loners. In other parts of the world, less so.
If you know someone experiencing loneliness, get involved. But don’t take over. Show interest, spend time, bear burdens, but don’t rescue or be a savior. Give the person dignity. Get them to participate actively. You can be part of the solution to someone else getting unstuck.
The Mental & Body Game
Get rid of the crankiness and be willing to pursue the suggestions of others who care. You might be someone who tends to dismiss a suggestion before even trying. Don’t do that!
Lay out your physical limitations on paper and brainstorm with someone you trust or a physician how to alleviate what keeps you tethered to home, like an oxygen tank and the need for home bowl advantage. There are solutions. Find a service to take you and bring you home, get that portable safety device, and be OK with the prospect of embarrassment.
Find acceptance for the things that have happened to you; the death of a loved one, regret of past life choices, and the new physical realities you faced. You might not be aware of how the hurts and wounds of the past contribute to our wanting to be alone. I’m reading a book by Dr. John Delony called “Own Your Past, Change Your Future” which you may find helpful. I’ve had different seasons where confiding in a counselor regularly has enabled me to work through disappointment and anger.
Finding Vision
I know you are here, at this moment, in this place for a reason. You have something to contribute; if you seek that out, I know you will find purpose.
You have a wealth of knowledge, consider becoming a mentor or a coach and use that life experience to invest in someone else. Join and commit to something. Volunteering fosters a sense of connection and provides an avenue to make a positive impact. You will be blessed as you give your life to others.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32510896/
